Shireen Fashion Blog
Holy Great Balls of Balm!
Posted by Shireen Sandoval 06/07/13, 5:52pm
When I first saw the pretty little pastel balls at my neighborhood CVS (I'm not gonna lie,) I thought they were a rack full of self-pleasuring tools. You know, "a personal item." I knew drugstores had become pretty progressive, but this I had to see to believe. As I walked closer, I thought: "They didn't even try to hide 'em from the kids!" Curiosity quickly killed my shame. Matter-of-fact, I found myself completely hypnotized by the eye-pleasing, egg-shaped objects and not because I needed a vibrator.
The mini balls were hard to the touch, with two divots placed on the sides (for your thumbs) to make twisting off the top easy. The smooth spheres were packed tightly in peppy plastic bubbles with cardboard backing. I was still convinced they had something to do with a woman's nether region so, through the package, I proceeded to smell, squeeze and grope my way through each color: pink, lavendar, light blue, yellow, rose, and minty green. I looked around for a tester, but couldn't find one.
Then, like a man standing outside a peep show, in a part of town he has no business being in, I looked around guiltily and tossed one (of every color) into my shopping basket. At $3.49 a ball - I could afford it. It was defintely a departure from my shoe shopping. I scurried to the check-out counter as quickly as I could and thought to myself; "Batteries yet to be determined."
Upon closer examination, the label read EOS evolution of smooth. "I bet," I smirked out loud, as dirty thoughts weeble-wobbled around in my head. Then, I ripped, released and irreverently unscrewed the top of the boob looking bauble. I stared at it awkwardly and sniffed. It was beige and kind of waxy. Instinctively, I put it up to my mouth and pressed. Saying it was great wouldn't even do it justice. It was more like; Holy Great Balls of Balm! I had just hit the beauty product jackpot.
EOS Lip Balm
is 100% natural, 95% organic and even has SPF 15 to protect your pucker. They use jojoba oil and shea butter for an extra soft, velvety finish. They smell great and taste yummy (and let's face it, whatever's on your lips, inevitably ends up in the back of your throat, even if you're not trying.) That night, as if I were celebrating Easter, I lined up all of my little EOS eggs, beside my bed on my nightstand and slathered my kisser with every kind. It was official. It was my new sexy little secret. One I didn't even know I was hunting for.
The next day, I went back to the store for more. I wanted to get one for my friend Dee - you know, just-in-case there was a ball shortage, or something. Plus, I'm always preaching at her to protect her face from the sun. This includes one's lips. I proudly presented her the package and watched as she tried placing it. I wondered if she was having impure thoughts. She looked at me and smiled, I pleasantly returned the gesture. (Let's make it clear, Dee is one of the few friends I have that appreciates a good chotchke - I know nothing about her sex life.) After she twisted off the top, she squealed with Dee-light! Ha! It was defintely a magic egg! Just not "that kind."
Dee always has her balls handy. I think she has a few different flavors now. I always see her walking down the hall at work, or at her computer, with her boob like balm pressed agianst her piehole. It's pretty funny. Recently, she took it on a fishing trip with three guys, who gawked at it and her, suspiciously. The best part though. Just the other day - it rolled out of her pocket when she was out to eat with some friends (down in The Keys.) Dee didn't even know she'd lost it. Unti the next day, when one of her friends gingerly returned it. "You lost this last night." She said, eyeing Dee for an answer. Dee of course explained "It's an EOS Lip Balm. It was a gift from Shireen." Her friend laughed, relieved. "Oh! " she said. Then admitted she thought it was, you know, "a personal item."